Plandomized Guess :: An Inconclusive Offering

I have been telling myself since I landed back in Evanston that I was going to write about my experiences while away in Connecticut - at home with family, in Vermont - retreating to the solace of a Benedictine monastery, and in Portland, Oregon - celebrating communion with queer Christians at the Gay Christian Network Conference. But, I just haven't gotten to it. What have I gotten to? I've gotten myself into an emotional mess or two, logical circles, prayerful mumbles, and the typical wanderful wonderings. And, a little bit of art.

Praise be to the Creator, that creativity can be a catharsis. Because, after being home, where I felt both loved and still a bit alien, then being among celibate brothers, where I felt a peace beyond previously-held understanding and yet infinitely familiar, and lastly being with a family of Christian queers from all sides of the rainbow, I came back home here a little raw, a little worn out, and nowhere near conclusive. The connection of these three points, hometown-monastery-queerlandia, in a line made for a geometry I was well studied for, but never truly tested in.

Depending on how well you know me, these three environments seem like they should inhabit entirely different spaces, but truly, they've been aligning within me for a while, but never so much in my outside world as they did within the three-week span of my Christmastime travels. These compiled experiences now came to me in a different form than the floating, lofty ideals that could be quietly (if also feverishly) qualified and categorized within my mind. I came home to Illinois frazzled. My eyes had jolted between these disparate stars quickly to formulate some worshipful constellation, and I was in awe. But wonder has a penchant for confusion, perhaps the investment cost for potential clarity.

Luckily, I both got to and had to make some art. Sometime last year I had signed up to hang a show at the cafe I work at in "February", that then-far-off month. But, that month came quickly after a full January. So, from the road I retired to my studio to collect some old notes, and compose some new sculptures. The resulting show of new and old speaks louder to the process of the past few years than I can right now, even through the lens of the past couple of months.

So, here's a taste of my visual and non-prose work.

You find images of the pieces part of Plandomized Guess, as well as descriptions of their materials and a collection of  methodological notes. Intermittently are whispered some poems and haiku personally written. What's below is effectively (or ineffectively) a show scrunched down into a blog post, so you may want to take it in doses or in an intentional session. Take your time. 

A syntax note: I use two particular symbols as tools for rhetorical juxtaposition. In general, I utilize "::" to symbolize the continuation of or through something, or as a device of comparison. I utilize "//" to symbolize the interruption of a flow, or as a device of contrast. I also use it below as a notation of the materials used in each piece as if to say the specious "idea" was interrupted and thus incarnated by the material. I use both of these symbols below accordingly, and I will likely use them in the future as part of rhetorical play and analysis in other posts.

Chew slowly, swallow with a grain of salt, spit out if necessary.

::

This is a collection of work examining discernment.
Discernment is the processes of finding Truth,
at least that truth which is congruent
with clarity or comprehension.
There are no straight lines in Nature,
yet we have consecrated our post-Industrial existence
to the grid; the grid is efficient, it is effective.

There are no such grids in Nature,

yet the idea of the grid is present:

everything has its place, and nothing is wasted. 

But, that does not mean that all goes as anticipated.

Growth may occur on created trajectories,

But, development must be rendered within and against,

elsewise be set back and oppressed, by chaos.

It appears - in the growth of the blossom to the sun,

the yearning of the child to the parent,

the flight of the bird toward its nest,

the weaving of friend into companion,

the call of life to the fulfillment of calling,

it appears that these processes are reckoned

both as planned pursuits as well as random guesses;

murmured measurements to be scried from the cosmos.

Take a moment today
to listen to the murmurings,
that you might, in Time,
ascertain the Truth
ascribed to you.

::

TIME, THE DEMURE DICTATOR

Chatter woven on the looms of Time

tell me that this too will be borne, worn

distressed, attested to, and retired.

This, too, shall pass.

The gossip of locusts reminds that

even the Fate’s feeble hands 

have undetermined, terminal paths,

leaving dirges unsung, swarms unflung

until the eccentric eternals 

levy the various variables

that will make for one’s colorful demise.

When all you've got is weft and warp,

dimension is essential; growth, gridded;

illusions, immeasurable.

(The art of making a life.)

As such, my story is spun, one thread,

plucked from the fields of Eon’s cotton mind,

twiddled between the cosmic spheres,

raped by gravity in unwarranted orbit.

Like dark slaves forced to sing as they twirl, 

they thin Time’s boles 

in their tyrant-tested touch.

And so my history is sung to me, 

as if I’d never heard.

But, all we can know

is that which has been.

The silk script wrought betwixt the spheres

possesses no premonitions, 

no whispers of predestination that it can - 

in some unfounded kindness - make explicit, 

as it is written upon today’s weave.

No, this loom, these weavers never surrender

such frivolous pleasantries 

to the mortal meanderer.

If unwavering are their fickle fingers,

then unforgiving will be their detail,

however unplanned the next yard of time,

knit from uncertainty. 

::

INTERNALIZING EXTERNALITIES

:: AN AMBIVERT STRUGGLES 

TO FIND THE PROPER CONTEXT

//burlap, canvas, cotton string,

found death, internal ramifications, 

external expectations, gravity

Plan: introverts gain energy from time spent along
      extroverts gain energy from time spent with others
Guess: social beings must reconcile the energies 
      to turn in and to turn out
Discern: use the external boundaries of the blossom
      to create quadrilaterals
      use the internal center of the blossoms
      to create triangle vertices
      embrace ambivalence to promote reconciliation

::

MIGRATORY THOUGHTS

:: THE MEETING

//burlap, wire mesh, metal wire,

string, nature, nurture, 

yearning, space, pegboard, etc.

Plan: 4 burlap birds, 2 steel birds (not pictured)
      cubes have 6 sides (2+4), and 8 corners (2x4)
Guess: we have similar ends, and differing means
      it could have been different
      we could be the same
Discern: create an alternative trajectory for the 2 steel birds,
      with 2 white string lines
      create an alternative trajectory for the burlap birds,
      with 4 twine lines
      create a common end point, 

      with steel mesh and jute burlap
      expose the reality of difference within similarity 

      extrapolate 2 cubes from 3 planes:
      1 plane for each of the possible separate trajectories
      1 center plane for the possibility of commonality

::

//From each point a line, 

divorced from reality.

Glory to God: Seen.//

::

PYTHAGORAS FLIRTS WITH PROMETHEUS

:: A QUESTION OF EFFICIENCY

// twine, wood, found death, cotton string, 

gravity, levity, canvas, pegboard, growth

Plan: Pythagoras is the father of the right-angle triangle theorem
Guess: constructed thought can destroy us
Discern: utilize the inherent stability of the triangle 

      to formulate a structure of satisfaction, 

      sustaining the blossom afloat

Plan: Prometheus is the bringer of the enlightenment 
      of the gods to humans
Guess: conflagrant emotion can destroy us
Discern: use the ratio of the plant’s stem and subsequent branches to 
      sew the possible developments of growth, if it occurred on 
      a square grid; extend the grid outward with sewn blossom renderings

::

//The god of No name,

seen with No face, yet blindly

heard, the Voice within.// 

::

GRIDDED GRAINS//

CONSCIENCE = CONCIOUSNESS³

:: THE INSIDE, OUT

// wood grain, external points

quadrilateral connections,

individuation, interaction, ink pen 

Plan: rounded wood grain
Guess: what is round can be made square
Discern: use the outermost points of the round grain 
      to find four corners of a square

      extrapolate the four corners of the discovered quadrilaterals 

      to create cubes

100 INDEXES

:: APPROPRIATING APPENDAGES

//wood grain, index finger, space,

ruler, ink pen, patience, promise

Plan: wavy wood grain
Guess: within the grain lays a grid
Discern: use my index finger as measurement 

      to create points along the grain lines,
      connect the points to become lines, 

      the lines to discover the grid

::

SELF-DETERMINED

:: A STRANGER’S FRIED CHICKEN

//napkin, grease, points, line, time

Plan: grease blotches on a napkin, 
      used to clean up from the fried chicken a stranger 
      had gifted me, an open-minded vegetarian
Guess: everything, everyone is connected
Discern: use napkin’s form to create a grid
      use the blotches to create circles (of influence) 
      connect the circles’ centers to calculate interdependence

::

Metric of Mankind,

Womanhood, all Siblings, mine:

Yours, make us; 

align//a line.

Point: keep me guessing,

lead me along, eyes strung taut;

line me not askew,

your Rule, your Letter :: fetter;

leave me naught//not alone.